


Time

by Lara_the_daydreamer



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Death, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-07-02 22:44:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15806055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lara_the_daydreamer/pseuds/Lara_the_daydreamer
Summary: "Does it ever go away? The pain?" Alec's voice cracked. The warlock shook his head. "It doesn't. Ever. But with time it's less painfull and more....nostalgic in a way. It'll always be there burried underneath the memories but over time you learn to cherish the memories and let them bring you joy. Let them comfort you. Time, my love. Time is all it takes."





	Time

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't read the books yet so this is entirely based on the show and my own imagination. I don't really know how this happened, I just started writing and it just...appeared. Any feedback is welcome and appriceated! I apologise for any spelling mistakes that I might've overlooked!

"Come on Alec! Please!" Max begged his older brother to bring him along for the mission. "Max this isn't just any mission! We're fighting Lilith with an arrmy of demons by her side! It is way to dangerous for you to go!" Alec refused and the younger brother pouted. "I'm as much of a Shadowhunter as you! I should be able to go." "What's going on here?" Robert Lightwood entered Alec's office curious about the cause of their fight. "Max wants to go fight Lilith with us." Alec explained. As mad as he was at his father because of the affair he hoped Robert would reason with the young Shadownunter. "Then let him go." Robert shrugged. Max's face lit up while Alec's fell. "Are you insane?! It's way to dangerous!" Alec protested. "You were his age when you went on your first mission." Robert reminded him. "Yeah but I wasn't fighting an army of demons led by Lilith!" Alec couldn't believe his father would actually take Max's side. "Let him go, Alec. Or are you afraid you're too weak to be able to protect him?" Robert challenged and Alec let his pride and the desperate longing to prove himself to his father get the best of him. "Fine. You can go," He said. Max grinned happily and left to brag about going on his first mission. _"It'll be fine,"_ Alec thought. _"I can protect him."_

 

"Are we ready to go?" Magnus, who was here to create the portal to the battlefield, asked. "Wait, we? You're coming with us?" Alec was confused. "Of course I am, Alexander. You need all the help you can get." The warlock explained. As much as Alec wanted to protest and say it was too dangerous he couldn't. Magnus being there meant another person to protect his younger brother. So he just nodded and entered the portal. Magnus followed, Izzy, Clary and Jace and the other Shadowhunters coming right behind them. They weren't attacking Lilith nor was she attacking them. This was the first battle in a war that was to follow. The location of the battlefield was a large meadow surrounded by woods. At a different time the place would've been peaceful, beautiful even. The rustling leaves and the smell of forest radiated with peace. But not for long. Soon, the demon army emerged from the trees. Demons of all shapes and sizes stood in formation before dozens of Shadowhunters and one warlock, thirsting for their blood, yearning to hear their final screams as they wither up and die. The Shadowhunters had different plans, however, none of them, not even young Max, showing any sign of fear as they charged into battle. Alec's arrows never once missed their target just as Magnus' magic never failed to turn the demon in front of him into ashes. Screams, blades ripping through bodies, desperate yells for help, detirmened shouts of rage, all of that was blurred, distant in Alec's mind as he focused on his task. Protect Magnus, protect Max, kill the demons, protect Magnus, protect Max, kill the demons. Then she appeared. Lilith. The woman, though dangerous, was beautiful and, in her long, silky, white gown with her soft black hair falling perfectly down her back, she seemed out of place in the middle of a raging battle. None the less she turned everything standing in her way into ashes not allowing anyone to be fooled by her fragile appearance, She was powerful and she made sure everyone knew that. Alec looked around searching for Max and Magnus. He sighed in relief when he saw Magnus easily fighting of a demon he didn't recognise but then froze when he found Max. The young Shadowhunter was sneaking up behind Lilith, seraph blade raised, ready to kill the queen of Edem. Alec wanted to yell for him but he knew that would just alert Lilith of his presence so he watched. He watched, hoping, praying Max could do it. Praying Lilith wouldn't hurt him. He forgot there were still demons around him as he worried about his brother so he let out a startled yelp when an ugly monster knocked him to the ground, pinning his arms above his head. He was deffensless. The unknown demon's sharp teeth sunk into his shoulder and he screamed. The bloody thing sure was taking it's time, making sure the Shadowhunter died slowly, in agony. Alec kicked against the creature but it was useless. All it earned him was another bite in his upper arm. Trying to get away Alec turned his head to the side. His eyes widened. His body struggled harder against the demon. There he was, his little brother, his own seraph blade shoved into his chest, blood soaking his shirt. Before he hit the ground, the boy pulled a knife from his boot and stabbed it deep into the demon queen's heart. She screamed before she dissolved into ashes and Max's small body hit the ground. With Lilith gone the rest of the demons scurried away hiding all over New York. Alec knew they'll have to hunt them down later but the was the least of his worries right now. Once he was free of the demon, Alec ran over to Max, ignoring the excrutiating pain in his arm and shoulder. "M-max?" He stuttered as he kneeled next to his brother. "I-I'm s-sorry." Max chocked out. Blood oozed from his quivering lips. "No, no, no. Shhhh. Don't apologise." Alec shushed him. "I...f-failed." The boy croaked. Alec's heart shattered when he said that. "You didn't fail Max." The rest of his friends gathered around them by now. Jace grabbed Clary's hand, trying to hold back tears and Clary took Isabelle's trembling hand. The older sister sobbed and collapsed to the ground. Alec gently took Max into his arms and smiled at him softly despite the tears burning in his throath. He knew there was no saving Max. "You did great. And I'm so proud of you." Alec told his little brother. "You're an amazing Shadowhunter." A small smile made it's way onto Max's face. His small frame trembled as violent coughs shook his body and more blood trickled from his mouth. His blue eyes raised to the sky as that youthfull spark of life faded away behind them. Isabelle's scream ripped through the air and even Jace couldn't hold back a whimper. Magnus put a hand over his mouth and let a tear slip from his eye. Clary stared in shock, unaware of the tears pouring down her cheeks. Alec stood up and took a few steps before tumbling back to the ground, becoming aware of the pain shooting from his shoulder through his entire body. The last thing he heard was Magnus gasping his name before he slipped into unconciousness.

 

Alec woke up wraped in the silky sheets of Magnus' bed. He sat up and groaned at the pain coursing through his body. "Alexander! Thank god you're awake!" Magnus exclaimed. Alec only then noticed the warlock was sitting next to him on the bed. "I got the demon's venom out of your system and took care of the wounds but it will take a while for your body to recover. Whatever that demon was, the poison was strong." Magnus explained to his disoriented boyfriend. "Magnus?" Alec croaked, surprised at how weak his voice was. "Yes darling?" Magnus scooted closer and took Alec's hands in his. "It wasn't real, right?" He asked in a small voice. "He didn't die. Max didn't die." "Oh, Alec. I'm so sorry." Magnus looked at him sadly. Alec shot up from the bed, ignoring the pain and stormed out of the room. He ran out into the street and started running. He had no idea where he was going. Tears blurred his vision as he raced through the busy streets trying to run away from the pain, from reallity. He wasn't sure how long he was running before he bad to stop, the pain becoming unbearable. He found himself on a lookout point above the city. The beautiful view of the sunset somehow made him feel worse. He felt like he didn't deserve to look at something so beautiful. It took all the strength he had to keep himself together and not crumble to pieces as he replayed the horrifying images of the battle in his head. He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder but relaxed when he saw it was Magnus. Alec tried desperately to hold back the tears. He never cried. Ever. Especially not in front of people. For him it was nothing but a sign of weakness. "I'm fine, Magnus. Go home, I'll be back soon." He lied and Magnus didn't buy it for a second. He took Alec's face in his hands, forcing the Shadowhunter to look at him. "It's okay not to be okay sometimes, darling. It doesn't make you weak." Magnus reassured, knowing how his lover struggled with emotions. "You need to let it out or it'll drive you insane. It's just me and you. Let it out. It's okay." Those few soft words were enough to push Alec over the edge and tumbling into a dark abyss of guilt and pain. His ming slipped into a dark, dark, place and he could no longer see his way out.. He fell to his knees and screamed. Screamed loud, letting out all of the guilt, frustration and pain he's been bottling up long before Max's death. The violent sobs racking through his body made him feel like he was being strangled which only made the anxiety and panic worse. He fetlt unbearable pressure on his chest. He flt like he was dying. Magnus kneeled in front of Alec and brough his trembling body closer into the warmth of his arms. He ran his hands soothingly up and down Alec's back and through his messy raven hair. Alec struggled for every shaky breath. He clutched onto the front of Magnus' shirt desperately trying to climb out of the darkness his mind fell into. The images of Max drenched in blood, Jocelyn with a hole in her chest, everyone he couldn't save. All those people. Dead. Because of him. "It's all my fault." He whispered in between sobs. "I killed Max. I killed all of them. It's all my fault!" He shouted and Magnus couldn't hold back the tears that fell down his cheeks. "Shhhh, Alexander. It's not your fault." He whispered to the broken Shadowhunter. Alec couldn't make out what he was saying over the sound of his own heartbeat drumming in his ears but the sound of Magnus' voice calmed him down a little. Magnus noticed this so he continued talking about everything and anything. He told Alec about his numerous adventures all around the world, funny interactions with his clients and unimportant stories that came to mind. He talked until the Shadowhunter's breathing evened out and his sobs were reduced to soft whimpers. A wave of shame washed over Alec when he realised he just had a meltdown in front of Magnus but the shame was forgotten as soon as he met the warlock's eyes. Eyes that were full of love, comfort and understanding. Magnus didn't judge him or think he was weak. On the contrary, this beautiful man loved him and accepted him for the broken mess he was. "Does it ever go away? The pain?" Alec's voice cracked. The warlock shook his head. "It doesn't. Ever. But with time it's less painful and more....nostalgic, in a way. It'll always be there burried underneath the memories but over time you learn to cherish the memories and let them bring you joy. Let them comfort you. Time, my love. Time is all it takes." Magnus leaned forward and kissed Alec's lips softly, reminding him there are still people here who love him, people who need him. Reminding him he's not alone. He'll never be alone. Until the end of time.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Kisses!


End file.
